Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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