im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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