the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
