How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
