Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
