Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
People in love make me want to vomit
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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