Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
