I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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