You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
zippers are such a cool invention
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
