just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
