I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
