My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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