We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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