dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
