so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
