Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
