He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
