He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
