Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
