You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
