i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
