So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
