Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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