looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
