I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
