he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
