i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
