this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
