College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
