Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
