Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
zippers are such a cool invention
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
