i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
