By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
