Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
