did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
