So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
