i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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