yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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