she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
