Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
