dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
