I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
