i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
