idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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