i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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