My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
