He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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