i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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