I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
