Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
