I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
