Yo dont text me then not text me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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