Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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