im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
