Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
