Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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