Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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